


The Love Committee

by crossingwinter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Power Point Presentations, silly premise that Got Serious because I’m Me, would it be Reylo if they didn’t talk for nine years before they boned?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-08 01:53:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17972225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossingwinter/pseuds/crossingwinter
Summary: In which Rey, tired of her bad luck with dating apps and failed relationships, enlists her friends' help in determining who she should date next.They take it a little too seriously.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jeeno2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeeno2/gifts).



> So Jeeno’s the best and [beta’d a shitton of porn in my porn month](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17622032/chapters/41546528) both quickly and extremely helpfully and I couldn’t be more grateful. So I do you homage and offer you gratitude.
> 
> Many thanks to the eternal and wonderful StormDancer, whence came this AU, like so many good things. 
> 
> Thanks also to walkingsaladshooter for giving this a second lookover!

Rey supposes she only has herself to blame for this.  

❖

_ “I’m being serious.” _

_ Rose, Finn, Kaydel, and BB all look at one another, the smiles on their faces fading slowly.  Ben is still watching her closely. _

_ “Really?” _

_ “Yes.  I trust you all.  You know me. If you can agree on someone for me to date, then I’ll date them.  I’ve had shit luck with apps, and I’m tired of feeling lonely.” _

_ “Rey— _”_ Finn says slowly.  “Are you sure that’s a good idea.” _

_ “No, but I’m out of good ideas, so let’s move onto the crappy ones, shall we?” _

❖

“Rey’s not allowed to talk,” Bebe says.

“Like hell am I not allowed to talk,” Rey grouses.

“No, she’s right,” Ben says, eyes on Bebe.  “If you start putting in a preference, the whole point of this committee is moot.  That’s us presenting a portfolio for you, rather than  _ choosing _ for you.  You have veto power, otherwise you say nothing.”

“Oh come on,” Rey half-laughs but to her surprise, she sees Rose and Finn nodding.  “You can’t be serious.”

“We can be,” Finn says.  “He’s right—you’re going to get ridiculous if you have a horse in the race—”

“ _ I’m _ the horse in the race,” Rey snaps.

“Yeah, but you only get veto power, and we can’t take—”

“You mean my preferences don’t count?”

“Honey,” Rose intones gently, patting Rey’s arm, “The whole point is that your preferences haven’t gotten you anywhere.  That’s what you said.”

Rose has her there.

❖

_ “I mean it—I trust you.  You pick my next boyfriend for me.  You all know me well—better than any fucking algorithm could.  You know my personality, what will annoy me—all that. Please. I know it sounds silly.” _

_ “You really must be desperate,” Bebe mutters. _

_ “So what if I am?” Rey flares.  “At least I’m honest with it.” _

_ Good progress that she’s sure Dr. Kanata would be proud of.  Being honest with herself about how much she longs for just…someone who understands her, who laughs with her, who thinks she’s cute and wants to fuck her.   _

_ And, ideally, can cook. _

❖

“Ok,” Ben says and everyone looks at him.  “We should work out a presentation order.”

“Presentation?” Rey asks.

Ben gives her a look as though surprised at the question.

“He made us make presentations,” Bebe said.  “Because we have to argue our cases and it’s good to—”

“Oh for crying out loud,” Rey mutters, glaring at Ben.  “Of  _ course _ you would.”  Fucking attorneys.

“Look, if you’re tasking us with making sure that you have the best potential partner, we need to make sure all supporting evidence and documentation is in proper order and in a similar format for proper comparison.  We all agreed power point would be the best way to ensure standardization.”

“You made  _ power points _ ?” Rey demands.

“We took this seriously, Rey,” Finn says.  “We care about you.”

“You made power points.”

“We did make power points.”

“You made them make power points?” she glares at Ben.

“It was a mutual agreement,” Ben huffs.

“He made us make power points,” Bebe mutters.  “And you don’t get to talk anymore.” She pats Rey on the head and then, for good measure, heads over to the bar and grabs her some whiskey.  Oh boy is she going to need this. Maybe it was a bad idea to sit in on this.

But then again, as she’d said, she was all out of good ideas.

❖

_ “So—what, we each bring one person to the table to discuss?” Finn asks with a look of  _ I can’t believe we’re seriously discussing this _ on his face.   _

_ “That seems fair,” Kaydel says.  “Otherwise we’ll be overloading the process.  We have to use our own reasoning to figure out who’s best from our pool, and only submit those options for consideration.” _

_ “It’s not like we won’t have favorites among them if we bring more than one anyway,” Rose adds.  “So might as well cut down some of the discussion time. And that’ll give us five people to discuss and honestly I think that’s a solid number.” _

❖

“I propose the order of Kaydel, Rose, Bebe, Finn,” Ben says.

“When do you go?” Bebe demands.

“I don’t.”

“You didn’t bring someone?” Finn asks, eyes narrowed.

Finn only barely trusts Ben, and that’s because Rey trusts Ben and Finn trusts Rey.   _ Transitive property of trust _ , he had muttered to her, darkly, when she’d told him that she and Ben—well, they were friends.  After how many protestations that he was a monster, after how many arguments between the three of them, she had decided that she and Ben Solo were friends.  Finn didn’t ask her why, but he had accepted it because he trusts Rey, and if Rey trusts Ben, then he’s stuck with it. 

Rey’s never had a friend like Ben before, which shouldn’t mean as much as it does, considering she had never had friends—period—before Finn.   _ He’s a walking demand for therapy, _ Rose had muttered darkly about him more than once—and she’s not exactly wrong.  He’s irascible, he’s argumentative, and when he gets too drunk he gets more than a little bit weepy about how he hates himself and everyone’s right to hate him too.  But there’s more to him than that. Rey’s seen it. Rey’s experienced it. And it’s enough such that, even if her other friends don’t  _ like _ him, they’ll still accept him when he’s around, and be polite enough to hide their distaste for him—at least most of the time.

Ben gives Finn a very patronizing look, and Rey can tell that he’s only by the skin of his teeth resisting rolling his eyes at Finn.  “Of course not. The only two  _ friends _ I have are Hux and Phasma, and I’d barely go so far as to call them friends since I’m fairly certain they’d both shank me in my sleep.  And neither one of them is remotely good enough for Rey.”

Finn makes an  _ ok, solid logic _ expression, which is mirrored by the other three.  Rey can’t help but be relieved. She doesn’t think she could handle it if Ben had made a full power point explaining why he thought she and Phasma should get together.  Knowing Ben, it would be forty-five slides long.

“Is that first order approved, or should I propose an alternate?” Ben asks.

“Seconded,” Kaydel says.

“Excellent,” Ben says and Kaydel makes her way to the television and hooks her computer into the HDMI chord that will send her screen onto Finn’s and Rose’s big screen TV.

❖

_ “Ok, so if we’re actually doing this, what are the criteria we’re using to assess your potential partner?” Ben asks.  He’s got his phone out, but he’s not the type to peruse it while in conversation with others—indeed, given that he has the social skills of a turnip, he gets remarkably indignant at what he considers to be divided social attention whenever anyone pulls their phone out of their pocket mid-conversation—so Rey can only assume he’s taking notes. _

_ “I dunno,” Rey says.  “You decide.” _

_ “You should at least have input,” Ben says firmly. “Or else we’ll be using the wrong metrics.” _

_ “Isn’t the whole point that I have a bad sense of who to—” _

_ “We can brainstorm aloud and Rey has veto power,” Finn says.  “And she can also suggest.” _

_ “I like Finn’s idea—let’s go with that.” _

_ Ben acquiesces. _

_ It’s perhaps the only time that she’s ever seen him acquiesce to one of Finn’s suggestions in the time that they’ve known one another.  Ben’s a  _ my way or the highway _ sort of guy, uncompromising to the point of being unkind sometimes.  But they’re friends now—or at least have reached a lack of open hostility agreement because they both care about Rey. _

_ It warms her heart how much they’ll agree to because they both care about her. _

❖

“All right,” Ben says, cutting Kaydel off right before she’s about to start.  “The criteria we decided on are: any gender is fine; looking for someone who has a stable income, financial independence, and a kind heart.  Ideally a sense of humor, and decently fit. Bonuses include: knowledge of cars, love of plants, doesn’t need to constantly fill the quiet with chatter.  The rest is up to the presenter. Everyone gets a chance to present, then we’ll discuss the options at hand. Rey has veto power, but will otherwise stay quiet.

“Secondly, a reiteration: comments made about the candidates are not personal reflections on any of the people in the room.  We’re trying to find the best fit for Rey.”

Everyone nods and Kaydel begins.

“Ok!” she says and hits play on the power point, which does a weird zoomy effect and portrays a solemn looking man with a long face.  “This is Geno Namit. He works on one of my cooperating teams at work and is a great guy. Definitely has the quiet and serious vibes.”  She hits the spacebar on her computer. “But also is kind of silly.” A picture of Geno looking truly delighted at one of those cookie cakes appears.  He’s wearing a conical birthday hat. It’s sort of cute—the way that smile lights up his long face.

“In terms of the criteria,” Kaydel continues onto a slide that’s just text and reads off it.  “Stable finances—he actually works on the Finance team and I don’t know how much money they make on Finance, but I bet it’s more than we make in Support.  He has a cat—he posts a lot of pictures of him on Instagram.” She tabs onto the next slide briefly, where there’s a picture of said cat—very fat and sitting in a lunchbox—before tabbing back to the text slide.  “At last year’s summer cookout, he took off his shirt while playing volleyball and had a six-pack.” Next to Rey, Ben shifts slightly. “And he keeps some succulents on his desk. I don’t think he has a car—or at least, not one he drives to work, but most importantly—” Kaydel tabs forward over the picture of the cat in the lunchbox and to the last slide, where Geno is at the back of a picture of a whole team.  “He’s the glue of his team. Like the sort of person who makes sure things get done because he cares. He cares a lot. He’s the type of guy who always helps fix problems, and he’s always good at listening and he’s just so kind. Last year he brought in cakes for everyone’s birthday, even when they weren’t on his team. And he always has nice things to say.” Kaydel smiles. “So yeah! Geno.”

She unplugs her computer, and Bebe gets to her feet.

❖

_ “Are you sure about this?” Ben asks.  He’s smoking outside the bar and Rey had come out to keep him company.  They do this—both of them chatting while Ben smokes. Rose hates cigarettes, Finn stays with Rose, Bebe doesn’t particularly trust Ben—something that Ben doesn’t take issue with, since Bebe rarely trusts anyone—and Kaydel just doesn’t like moving.  But Rey doesn’t mind the smoke. Her foster father had smoked, and sure, she thinks that cigarettes will kill Ben, but she can’t exactly force him to stop.  _ I’ll keep you company while you’re still alive, though,  _ she’d snarked at him once, and he’d rolled his eyes. _

_ “I’m not sure about anything,” Rey replies, crossing her arms over her chest.  It’s chilly and she doesn’t wear padded bras—they are weirdly itchy—so she doesn’t want Ben to see the way her nipples pop out through her shirt.  Bebe thinks he stares too much when this happens, but Rey’s never caught him at it. Ben’s actually really good at making eye contact with her—sometimes she gets a bit overwhelmed by how intense his gaze can be sometimes. Bebe says that doesn’t preclude him staring at her tits when they’re stiff, so long as she doesn’t catch him at it. _

_ Either way, she crosses her arms.  It’s cold.  _

_ “Because we don’t have to if you don’t—” _

_ “Ben, I meant it.  I’m tired of being alone.” _

_ “You’re not alone.”  He says it so seriously that Rey goes still for a moment. _

_ When she’d first met Ben Solo—when her friends had first met Ben Solo, too—he’d been such an entitled, abrasive, and sometimes cruel person that Rey had felt no scruples in deciding she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.  She wanted nothing to do with a man who spoke to his father the way that Ben did. Absolutely nothing. _

_ And then, one night, he’d listened to her. _

_ He’d listened to her, with those big, serious, intense eyes of his and all Rey could think was that whatever the word for the opposite of loneliness was, that’s how she was feeling.  Seen, heard. She’d only ever felt that way with Finn before, and Finn had been the best choice she’d ever made. So maybe Ben Solo was more than the monster she’d first thought he was.   _

_ And he is.  He truly is.  He can also be tender.  He can also be gentle. _

_ Her eyes well with tears and she looks up at him as he exhales a little bit of smoke that loses itself in the night air between them.  She stands on the tips of her toes and kisses his cheek.  _

_ “Thank you for that,” she whispers to him. _

_ He nods and takes another drag on the cigarette and she hopes very much that the tobacco doesn’t kill him anytime soon.   _

❖

“I’m proposing Chewie,” Bebe says and Ben sits bolt upright next to Rey, staring at the screen.  “He works the deliveries squad and—”

“No,” Ben says.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Finn says.  “No discussion until after. Follow your own rules.  Continue, Bebe.”

Bebe glares at Ben who glares right back.

She moves onto the next slide.  “He’s like—strong as the hulk or something.  And super nice. He builds his own cars sometimes which I think goes pretty far on the  _ likes cars _ scale.”  She moves to the next slide where—

—Where Rey understands exactly why Ben’s adamant that she not date him.  He’s standing there, chatting with Han Solo, a broad grin on his face.  _ He must have known Ben for— _

She freezes.  That’s Dr. Kanata standing there chatting with them.  

“Who’s that?” she asks, pointing to Maz.

“Not really sure,” Bebe says, “but as I was—”

“That’s Maz, who Chewie’s been on-again-off-again with for like twenty years,” Ben says loudly.

“Vetoed.  She’s my therapist,” Rey says.

“Oh shit,” Bebe flushes and looks down at her feet.

“No!  It’s fine.  You didn’t know,” Rey says, lurching out of the chair—wow that whiskey is hitting her harder than she thought it would—to hug Bebe.  

Bebe makes a sad little noise and goes back to the couch to sit next to Finn as Rose gets to her feet to plug in her computer.

❖

_ It wouldn’t be the first time that Rey had considered dating one of her friends.  It’s a classic move for her. _

_ She’d definitely had a crush on Finn for a while.  It hadn’t gone anywhere. She’d been glad that he’d found Rose and that had sort of ended the crush for her.  But there’s something about being emotionally intimate with someone that makes the other stuff about dating just…not feel worth it.  Friends are the best because they love you unconditionally. _

_ So Ben telling her she’s not alone?  Well, it goes a little farther than she wants it to, but she decides she’ll blame the beer and its good mouthfeel for that.  His cigarettes remind her—weirdly, because she’d hated Unkar Plutt’s house—of home, and not in a wholly negative way. And when he rubs her back—she thinks to try and warm her up before they go back inside—she wonders a little bit what it would be like to just…take his hand.  What would happen then? _

_ But that would be a  _ truly _ terrible idea. _

❖

“Let’s give it up for my sister Paige!” Rose says, emulating a sportscaster, before diving into her power point with gusto.  “We have—an astronaut, who loves dogs and who has been growing her own herbs in her kitchen ever since she got her own kitchen—did I mention she owns her house? Because she does.  She makes  _ bank _ flying up into the stars.”  

If nothing else is clear, it’s that Rose loves her sister.  And that Paige is, well, very cool. She has a lovely smile, and Rose has carefully selected each of the points in her slideshow with great care such that, by the end of it, almost everyone is applauding.  Everyone except Ben, who’s holding his beer in his hands, but he raises the bottle in a toast before taking a sip. It was, Rey thinks, a more solid presentation than the one about Geno, and Rose has over twenty-five years of experience with Paige to lean on to emphasize her heart, her humor, and her moral compass.

When she heads back to the couch, she gives Finn a cheeky look, and Finn says, “Oh it’s going down, though.”

Which Rey understands the minute that Finn plugs his computer into the TV.

She’s met Poe Dameron several times.  He’s attractive enough, though she’s never gotten much of a substantial impression of him.  But she knows he’s been a lifesaver for Finn, and she knows that apart from her, he’s Finn’s best friends in the world.

“Ladies and gentleman,” Finn says, “I give you, Rey’s future husband—Poe Dameron.  We have: a passionate revolutionary, always down to fight the unjust; a man of debonair charm and quick wit; a plant dad of several truly lovely ferns,” Finn has pictures of them in his power point, each with superimposed text reading  _ we love Poe _ and  _ Poe’s the best plant lover in the world besides Rey _ , “He drives a UB 9000,” A picture of Poe standing next to his car, arms crossed over his chest, wearing sunglasses, “And—most importantly, the best friend a guy could ever have.”  And he springs into a monologue nearly as long as Rose’s about Paige expressing how good a guy Poe is—how he learns from his mistakes, how he cares about doing the right thing, how he loves the people in his life and would do anything for them.

Finn bows at the end of his presentation, and winks at Rey, and then settles on the couch again, throwing his arm over Rose’s shoulder.

“All right,” Ben says, taking a sip of his beer, looking between them all.  “Let’s get refreshments, bathroom breaks, the like. Then it’s time for the great debate.”

Rey can’t help but notice that he doesn’t look particularly excited about it.

Not at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dear jeeno happy spring break <3

“Ok, I think we should first see if there’s any particular votes in favor,” Ben says.  “Bebe’s candidate was vetoed, so we don’t have an even split anymore.”

“Didn’t we always not have an even split because you didn’t bring anyone?” Finn asks.

“Yeah, but I’m moderating.”

“Since when?” demands Rose.

“Since I didn’t bring a candidate and since I have the most experience with keeping order in discussions like this.”

“Weren’t you almost held in contempt of court like four times last year?” Finn asks, completely unconvinced.

Ben rolls his eyes.  “That judge was out of his mind.”

“Yeah, sure,” Finn replies dryly.  

“Rey, is there any other candidate you’d like to veto?” Bebe asks.  She doesn’t look upset anymore. If anything, she looks cheerful. 

“Good idea,” Ben says.

Rey chews on her chip thoughtfully.  

If she’s honest with herself, she’s…not really that into any of the candidates, but that’s not the point of this exercise.  And she certainly can’t veto all of them.

“Rey?” Ben asks gently.  He’s rolled up his sleeves and she had never noticed how nice his forearms were.  It’s sort of distracting. She’s had whiskey, though, so she’ll blame the semi-drunkenness and not muscles.

“No vetoes,” she says, and gives him a smile. “So go on then.  Who’s my next lover?”

Ben’s eyes go wide in his head, a slight flush coming to his cheeks.  “Lover?”

“Gender neutral,” she shrugs, inclining her head to Rose, who raises her beer bottle in Rey’s general direction.  

“Ok,” Ben says.  “Let’s start with a preliminary vote.  Everyone gets one vote.”

“Do you get a vote?” Finn asks.  “If you’re moderating?”

“I will absent myself from the vote if people worry about my capacity to be a neutral moderator,” Ben replies evenly.  The way he says it sends a shiver up Rey’s spine. She gets the vibe, somehow, that he doesn’t particularly want to be a neutral moderator, but that that’s somehow not a bad thing.  

“Yeah—you’ve never been neutral about anything in your life,” Finn says.  “You don’t get a vote.”

“Seconded,” Rose says.

Ben rolls his eyes at both of them and Rose gives him a steely smile.

“Fine—no vote for me.  Those in favor of Geno.”  Kaydel and Bebe raise their hands.

“Traitor,” Finn mutters at Bebe.

“Look, I don’t want to get in the middle of anything,” Bebe replies immediately.  “Also of all of the candidates, Geno’s the least attached to our friend group, and that means that if it goes south it’s easy to remove him from the picture without affecting anything.  What if Paige and Rey have a bad breakup? Or Rey and Poe.”

“Thank you for assuming I’m going to break up with them,” Rey mutters.  

“Motion not to include potential breakup as a factor,” says Finn, glaring at Bebe.

“Seconded,” Rose responds instantly.

“Sustained,” Ben says.

“Fine—I still think that he’s a nice guy.  Look at what Kaydel said about how much he gives to his team.”

“Does that mean he’ll prioritize work over Rey?” Finn asks hotly.

“Oh please, as if that doesn’t absolutely define Poe Dameron in a nutshell.”  

“He keeps  _ succulents _ ,” Finn protests.

“What’s wrong with succulents?” Kaydel shoots right back at him.

“They’re only the lazy-man’s plant.  They require like no care at all,” Ben interjects, scorn dripping from his voice, as though nothing in the universe offends him more than Geno Namit’s succulents.

“Yeah, but they’re pretty,” Kaydel retorts.  “Rey likes pretty things.”

“She likes people who can tend more complicated plants,” Rose cuts in, “Which is why  _ Paige _ is the best option.”

“Summary on Geno,” Ben says loudly.  “Hard-working, nice, keeps plants, cute cat.”

“And two votes,” Bebe says stubbornly.

“Traitor,” Finn repeats.  “What do you think Poe will say when I tell him you didn’t vote for him to be Rey’s boyfriend?”

“Lover,” Rey corrects.

“Probably that I had  _ Rey’s _ best interests at heart, which is what I’m supposed to be doing.” Bebe crosses her arms over her chest.  “You just don’t like that you’re going to have an uphill battle convincing anyone to vote for Poe.”

“ _ You were supposed to vote for Poe.  We talked about this.” _

“Wait, wait, wait,” Rose says at the same time that Kaydel says, “You talked about this?”

“Finn!”

“That’s cheap!”

“You were whipping the vote!”

“I wanted what’s best for Rey!” Finn shouts over everyone.  “And I stand by it.”

“Well congratulations, I’m never voting for Poe,” Rose says to Finn.  “That was dishonest.”

“It’s about what’s best for Rey.”

“Yeah, and Rey and Poe don’t get along,” Ben points out.  But he doesn’t sound annoyed at Finn. In fact, he seems positively delighted with this development.  He doesn’t like Poe very much—they tend to butt heads. Well, Ben tends to butt heads with everyone, but he and Poe are so similar that there’s an additional edge of competitiveness that Rey just rolls her eyes at.

“Sexual tension,” Finn says.  “They’d get past it.”

“Yeah, maybe, but that’s also potentially a dud candidate.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be neutral?” Finn glares at him.

“I’d like to point out that we were looking at chance of success as much as anything else,” Ben says, “Which is why I didn’t bring any candidates.”

“Are you saying Poe would be a bad match for Rey?”

“I’m saying that they almost got into fisticuffs at your cookout last week, so yeah.  That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Ben glances around the room, clearly trying to keep a catlike smile from his lips and failing dismally.  “Motion to remove Poe from the rankings.”

“Seconded,” says Kaydel at the same time as Rose.  

“You all are the worst,” Finn says, getting up and going into the kitchen for a burger.  Rey follows him.

“It probably wouldn’t have worked out,” she says to him as she hears the conversation continue.  “We do fight a lot. And he can be…arrogant.”

“Yeah but you like arrogant,” Finn says darkly.

“I do not like arrogant.”

“Why do you like Solo, then?  He’s the epitome of arrogance?”

Rey’s mouth goes dry.  How had Finn—she’s been drunk, so maybe she hasn’t been—

“Oh no,” Finn says slowly.  “Rey, honey. No.”

“What?”

“You can’t like  _ Solo, _ ” Finn says.  He grabs her by her shoulders.  

“This isn’t about who I like,” she says.  “It’s about—”

“No, it’s absolutely about who you like,” Finn says firmly.  “It’s about who you like, and what you think you deserve, and you lowballing the fuck out of yourself every time you try to date someone.   _ Solo?  _  Really?”

“It’s nothing serious.  I get crushes on friends is all.  I had a crush on you.”

Finn gives her a look.  She gives him one right back.  

“Like I said, it’s not about—”

“You’re my horse in the race,” Finn says darkly.  “And I  _ don’t _ think you’d be happy with Geno Namit.  I’m sure he’s a great guy. But yeah. And you can’t date Paige, she’s got a girlfriend she hasn’t told Rose about yet.  So that leaves…” he shudders.

“Don’t,” Rey says.  “Don’t you dare.”

“Why not? He didn’t bring anyone.”

“Because—” Rey can’t think of a good reason.  He’d taken notes at the bar when she’d first proposed this, after all.  He’d seemed intent on setting her up for success, wanting her to be happy, telling her that she wasn’t alone.  She takes another sip of whiskey. “Because that’s not the point of the night. It was supposed to be—”

It was supposed to be a way for her friends to help her find someone, but from what Finn’s saying, only  _ Kaydel _ had actually brought a viable candidate.  Because Ben’s right, she would have hated dealing with Poe.  He’s arrogant, but not in the same way that Ben’s arrogant. Ben’s arrogant because he can back up his arrogance when forced to; Poe’s arrogant because he doesn’t listen.  Ben—Ben always listens.

“Finn!” Rose bellows.  “We need your vote!”

“This is going a lot faster than I thought it would have,” Rey sighs.  They’re already down to two people. She’d thought they were going to be there all night.  They might be done before nine thirty.

Rey and Finn return to the living room, where—both to Rey’s surprise and to her complete lack-of-surprise—they find everyone glaring at Ben.  

“The point of a moderator,” Ben is saying so patronizingly that Rey pokes him, hard, in the shoulder as she passes and he stops talking.

“Too much,” she tells him.

“Sorry.”

He doesn’t sound sorry at all.  Indeed, he looks very grumpy and determined and when he opens his mouth again, he says, “Look—it’s important to weigh the negative aspects.  They’re both solid candidates, but if we—”

“It’s one thing to weigh the negative aspects and to say  _ neither one is good enough for Rey _ ,” Rose hisses angrily.

Finn gives Rey a significant look that makes Rey’s throat go dry.  

“I stand by it, but I’m also not voting,” Ben says.  “Conflict of interest.”

“Conflict of interest?” Finn cuts in sharply.

“Because as  _ you _ pointed out,” Ben responds acidly, his gaze positively withering, “I shouldn’t be moderating and voting at the same time.”

“But you’re trying to use your seat of power to sway the vote.”

“I need a fucking cigarette,” Ben snaps and he gets up out of his chair and heads out to the back porch.  Finn gives Rey a look and says, pointedly, “Now that he’s out of the room, I’m voting for Paige so let’s have this conversation like civilized adults, shall we?”

Rey is up and out of her chair without realizing it, following Ben, as she always does, out onto the back porch where he is already taking a long drag on his cigarette.

“You ok?” she asks him.

“Fine.” His voice is clipped and he’s not looking at her.

She watches him for a moment and then remembers Finn’s  _ you’re my horse in the race _ comment.  Her throat is dry as she looks up at Ben.   _ Oh no. _

_ He’s my horse in the race, isn’t he? _

Dry sense of humor, gentle and tender when it’s just the two of them, nice car, a garden that he doesn’t tend  _ well _ but he lets Rey tinker in in summer because she likes it.  Good forearms, and she knows from the times she’s given him quick hugs that he’s muscular in all those suits he fills out so well.  

“Liar,” she says quietly and he looks at her, half-startled, half-cautious.  

“They’re not good enough for you,” he says firmly.  “I meant that. A finance guy with a cat? If he were half so convincing, Kaydel would have gone on and on about him for as long as Finn did about Poe.  She’d have brought anecdotes, and quotes  _ because _ he’s an unknown entity.  And Paige—”

“Has a girlfriend,” Rey says quietly.  “Finn just told me. Rose doesn’t know yet.”

“Oh.”  Ben seems to deflate.  “I liked her more as an option for you than Geno.  Rose has good taste in people.” It’s probably the nicest thing that Ben has ever said about one of her friends.

“Ben?” she says slowly, and his eyes flick to her.  They’re usually dark, sure, but it’s night and it’s so strange that they seem bright right now.  She takes a step towards him and watching the way the angle of his iris shift as he keeps his eyes on hers.  “Who did you want to bring tonight?”

And then, just for a moment, so quickly she might have missed it, his gaze drops from her eyes to her lips before returning to her eyes.  

“I didn’t have anyone to bring,” he says.

“Liar,” Rey says again, stepping closer to him.

“Not who fitted the parameters of the discussion, and certainly who wouldn’t have—” he takes a shuddering breath, “wouldn’t have won.”

“Ben,” she begins slowly but now he’s turning away from her, looking out over the quiet street, his cigarette between his lips again, taking the biggest drag he can.  She can imagine his heart racing, can imagine him begging silently, desperately for the nicotine to take away the stress and adrenaline of this conversation. 

“I should recuse myself,” he says and he’s going down the steps now, his back to her.  “I have a horse in the race. I’m not fit to participate.”

And just like that, he’s gone, he’s trying to leave.

“Ben,” she calls after him, and he pauses and somehow, Rey knows it’s because he hears the strangled tone of her voice.  He glances at her over his shoulder and he looks so vulnerable that Rey doesn’t even know what to say. 

But she does know what to do, which is more than enough.

She’s following him down the stairs now, and one of her hands is in his and the other is reaching up to cup his face, brush her fingers across his skin, and bring his lips down to hers.  He tastes like cigarettes and beer and he groans into her mouth and drops his cigarette to the driveway and his hands are in her hair, his tongue is in her mouth and he’s walking her backwards to press her against the garage door.

Rey pants into his mouth, raise herself onto the tips of her toes to bring herself closer to him and wraps her arms around his neck as they just—

When Rey was little, she hadn’t had friends.  She hadn’t worried about ever finding a boyfriend because that seemed like putting the cart before the horse.  Why would she worry about a boyfriend when she didn’t have anyone who just cared about her without any expectations of anything else?

She has friends now.  Good friends, who are invested in her love life, who want her to be happy.

And she has Ben, who’s a friend, and maybe—just maybe—

“Want to get out of here?” she asks him between kisses.

“Let’s fucking go.”


	3. Chapter 3

_Where’d you go?_

Finn’s message flashes across the screen of her phone as she sits in the passenger seat of Ben’s car.  Neither she nor Ben is speaking. They’re both peeking at one another through the silence when they get the chance, shy now for some reason.

_Did you and Solo hook up?_

_We voted for Geno by the way, but if you and Solo are hooking up you should keep doing that._

There’s a pause between that text and the next one.  

_I don’t like him, and I don’t really get it, but I think he’ll be good to you.  I think you’re just about the only person in the world he’d be good to._

_Also I’ll kill him no questions asked if he’s not._

_And take pleasure in it._

Rey puts her phone away.  She’s sure Finn isn’t expecting an answer right now.  She hopes that the others won’t be too perplexed. Chances are they’ll put on a movie and have more beer.

They park in front of Ben’s house and the night seems chillier now.  Rey feels her nipples stiffening, but then again, they’d been stiff against Ben’s chest when he’d pressed her against Finn’s garage, so maybe it’s just the memory of his lips on hers that’s got them like this.  

Either way, she doesn’t cross her arms over her chest as they walk up to his front door.  It takes him a few tries to get his key in the lock. His hand is shaking, but when Rey takes the one dangling at his side in each of hers, it stops.

She’s been in Ben’s house about three times, and every time she’s struck by just how neat it is.  He turns on the lights in the entryway and kicks off his shoes—he doesn’t like it when people wear shoes in his house, so Rey takes hers off too—and they go into his living room and settle onto his couch, just looking at one another for a long moment, neither sure where to begin, neither sure if they’ve already begun.

It’s Ben who breaks the silence.  

“Look, I’ve been in love with you for a while.  Basically since I first saw you. And I don’t—I didn’t—” he sighs and his face does a thing where it’s as though whatever thought is going through his head right now is a scornful one.  “It’s not like some sort of friendzone bullshit, like I’ve been lying in wait or anything.”

“No, I don’t think you’d do that,” she whispers.

“I genuinely thought you’d never want to—me.  I never thought you would and had sort of resigned myself to trying to do that fucking bullshit noble thing where I help you find love because you deserve it, but you’re not wrong to not want me because no one’s ever wrong to not want—”

She leans forward and kisses him on the side of the mouth and he goes very still.  “Do you want yourself?” she asks him quietly. It’s a question that had haunted her when Dr. Kanata had first asked it—do you treat yourself the way you treat your friends?  Somehow, she doubts that Ben treats himself half so well as he treats her. She wonders if he’s ever gone to therapy.

“Not really,” he says glumly.  “But I’ve also fought so hard to be something I remotely like being, so maybe I’m getting there.  That’s not the point.”

“No _,”_ Rey agrees quietly.  “It’s not.” But it makes her wary all the same.  “But you should talk to someone about it. Someone professional,” she adds.  Because she is so very sure that she couldn’t help him half so well as Dr. Kanata had helped her.  

Ben stares at her for a long while and she wonders what’s going through his head.  She doesn’t have to wait long. That’s one of the things she likes about Ben. He just says what’s on his mind.  “You’re like the eightieth person in my life who’s told me to go to therapy, and the first person who’s ever made me actually consider it.  Rey—” and he takes her hand and looks at her. “I—want to be right for you. I want to be better for you than Geno Namit. I’m scared I’m not.”

“I’m not scared,” Rey whispers and she scooches closer to him on the couch.  “I’m not afraid of you.”

“You should be,” he tells her seriously.  

“I don’t see why I should be afraid of someone who loves me when all the damage in my life has come from people who don’t love me enough.”

The words hang in the air of his dimly-lit living room and Rey takes a few deep breaths.  “I trust you to be careful with me,” she says. “I don’t trust you to be careful with yourself, but I also trust you to try to do that if you say you will.”

She thinks he’s going to kiss her when he leans forward, but no, he is resting his head on her shoulder. She brings a hand to trace up the sinews connecting his neck to his collarbone.  

“I’ll try,” he whispers.  “I’ll find someone to talk to.  I will. I’ll make the time for it.”

Rey kisses his cheek, and holds him close.  “I want you to be as caring for yourself as you are for me.  Because I don’t know when it happened, Ben, but I started falling for you because of that.  You deserve that from yourself too.” How hard had it been to start giving that caring to herself.  She’s sure Ben has a harder road to walk on that front.

He’s trembling in her arms and now he’s kissing her, his lips surging up to meet hers, his arms wrapped around her middle to pull her close.  He still tastes like beer and cigarettes and Rey’s heart is pounding in her throat as he pushes her back down onto the couch, his fingers caressing little patterns on her face because now that she’s pressed to the couch underneath him, his arms aren’t around her anymore.  

She licks at his lips, whimpering.  He has such lovely lips—plump and red and distractingly good at what they’re doing as they kiss at hers, at her tongue, at whatever bit of skin they can reach.  Her hands are resting on his chest now, kneading at him, feeling the taught strength of muscle under his shirt and wanting to see it, wanting to see him. She’s never seen him with his shirt off.  He’s never gone to the beach with her and Finn and Rose, and is a workaholic who spends too much time out of the sunlight. But he always makes time for Rey. Whenever she wants to see him, he’s there.  Whenever she messages him, he always replies. He has a huge case he’s working on this week and he’d made time to go to the damn love committee she’d proposed, even if it hadn’t been as successful as she’d planned.  Or maybe it had been more successful. She wasn’t sure. Regardless, he never makes her feel like she’ll fall through the cracks, like she’s not worth his time, his energy, his love.

When he pulls away to catch his breath, Rey feels tears in her own eyes.  They haven’t spilled just yet, but they are definitely threatening to.

“How drunk are you?” he asks her, his thumbs brushing across her cheeks.

“A little, but not much,” she says.  The whiskey seems like years ago, but she’s not sure it’s fully metabolized yet.  It always takes her a stupidly long amount of time to metabolize. “Enough to know what I’m doing.”

But he shakes his head and pulls away and Rey grumbles at him.  Her nipples are stiff and poking through her shirt and there’s an uncomfortable dampness in her underwear.  Worse—she can feel that bulge in his pants.

“I’ll cook you breakfast if you stay over,” he tells her.  “Fresh squeezed orange juice and waffles and eggs.”

 

❖

 

When Rey wakes, it takes her a moment to realize where she is.

Her bedroom is never this bright, orangey red light filtering through her closed eyelids.  And her bed isn’t this soft, and warm, and there’s rarely someone curled up next to her.

She opens her eyes.

Ben’s lying there next to her, his head only a few inches from hers, his arm thrown over her middle, his legs only a breath away from hers.  He looks so peaceful in sleep, all the strain of the world has melted off his face. He looks years younger. It’s beautiful.

Rey lies there for a long while, wondering how long it’ll take him to wake.  But after a while, her bladder starts to feel painfully full so she does her best to climb off the bed without waking him.  He’d given her a t-shirt to wear to bed the night before and it brushes against the middle of her thighs as she makes her way to Ben’s bathroom.  She looks around his bathroom as she pees. It’s cleaner than her own. Everything is in its proper place, the sink and shower are both scrubbed to the point of shining.  She smiles when she sees that he has more expensive shampoo than she does. Somehow, that’s not surprising to her.

She flushes and then grabs his toothbrush to brush her teeth.  Her breath is bad and—well—she would be surprised if the morning wasn’t going to pick up where the night before had left off.  She stares at herself in the mirror as she brushes.

She looks well rested.  Normally, in the morning, she looks more than a little bit a mess.   _Maybe because you spent a good twenty minutes just staring at him,_ she thinks.   _That’ll make you a little more awake._

There’s a soft knock on the door and Rey says, “Come ih,” as best she can with her mouth full of Ben’s toothbrush and the door opens.  He looks relieved, standing there.

“Thought you might have gone,” he says carefully.

“Nah,” she replies.  She doesn’t elaborate as she keeps brushing though, and he comes into the room behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle and kissing the base of her neck.  

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“You pwomished me waffuwsh,” she says around the toothbrush.  Then she bends over his sink and spits out the toothpaste. “Among other things.”

She catches his expression in the mirror, the crooked smile, the soft eyes, as she rinses her mouth out.  Then she hands him his toothbrush.

He smiles at her, takes it, and squeezes some more toothpaste onto it and begins to brush his teeth.  Rey kisses his cheek and slips out, in case he needs to use the toilet too. Maybe one day, she’ll hang out in the bathroom while he takes a piss but that feels like it’s several months or years down the line and—

—and she’s thinking about several years down the line.

That’s new.

She climbs back into his bed and presses her face into the pillow he’d been sleeping on.  It smells like him and she smiles.

She flips over when she hears his footsteps in the hallways and a moment later, he’s crossing to the bed.  Wordlessly, he climbs onto it, hovering over her, his face inches from hers. She lifts her own head to kiss him, grabs his hips and pulls him down a little bit so that his chest is closer to hers.  

It’s a slow kiss, a sweet kiss, tender, hopeful, right—all the things that Rey’s kisses never are.  It makes her smile.

“What?”

“I like kissing you,” she tells him, and he kisses her in response and this one—this one’s searing.  His fingers clutch the pillow on either side of her head so that it sort of cradles her and she feels so safe with him.  So safe—physically, emotionally…

“What now?” he asks her because she’s giggling.

“Sorry—I promise I’m enjoying this.”

“What is it?” he doesn’t sound annoyed though.  If anything, he sounds amused too, and there’s a lightness in his eyes as he looks down at her, and Rey grins up at him.

She rolls them over so she’s straddling his hips, bending down to kiss him once again before she says, “I was just thinking—we had the rubric for those candidates totally wrong.”

“You’re thinking about the love committee right now?” Ben asks sardonically.

“I’m thinking about you right now.”

“And also the love committee.”

“I feel safe with you, and I like kissing you.”

“So you would have wanted to kiss all the candidates—just to see if you liked it?”

“Probably would have helped.”

Ben rolls his eyes and he pulls her lips down to his.  “So I’m making my case stronger by continuing to do this?”

“I think you’ve already got a strong case,” Rey tells him.  She likes talking to him like this, with their lips right next to one another.  She likes the way his breath tickles at her skin, how she can feel his smile, taste his laughter mixed with the mintiness of his breath.  

His hips buck underneath hers and Rey bursts out laughing.  “We’re not calling it that.”

“Calling what that?”

“Your dick.  We’re not calling it a strong case.”

He pauses and his grin gets ridiculous.  He’s so beautiful when he smiles. How can the world not see that?  “That wasn’t what I was implying by doing that, but now I feel committed to it.”

“ _No_ ,” Rey laughs.  He’s getting hard beneath her hips and she’d felt him last night, felt just how _strong his case_ was but it’s different now that she’s not wearing pants, now that he’s just in his boxer briefs.  He feels hotter now, thicker as he’s pressing up against her.

Rey’s had sex before.  With several different partners.  She’s fairly certain that Ben’s dick is larger than any of theirs.  She’s never felt quite as though her lips are being spread quite this wide by sliding herself over him through two pairs of underwear.  It feels good. She can feel moisture gathering between her legs, coating the inside of her underwear, which only makes everything that much better.  

His hands tug at her—his—shirt and she gets the feeling that he’s about to ask her if he can touch her so she pulls back and tugs the shirt up over her head.

“Fuck,” he breathes, looking up at her.  He licks his lips, his eyes darting from her face to her chest to her stomach to the line of her underpants, then back, and forth, and back.

Rey leans forward to kiss him again and she rubs her slit against his cock.  It’s twitching beneath her. “I want you,” she whispers to him. _Wanting you makes me realize how much I didn’t want the others._ Maybe that’s why none of them had worked out, because Rey wasn’t being honest with herself about what she wanted.

She shoves that thought from her mind, though because Ben’s hands are on her breasts, roving her back, running along the outer line of her underpants.  It’s like he can’t decide where he wants to touch her, but also won’t let himself stop long enough to work it out. He rolls her back onto her back and now he’s rubbing his chest against hers as he kisses her.  His fingers are fisting in her hair and he’s murmuring into her lips.

“God Rey, I—you’re—this is—”

He goes still when she reaches down to cup him through his underwear.  He groans and quivers, and Rey takes advantage of whatever he’s feeling to roll him onto his back again.  

“I’m going to stay on top,” she whispers.  “You’re big.”

“I am?”

“Yeah,” she says as she slowly pulls him loose and—fuck it’s swollen and red and she wants to taste it, to feel it inside her.

“Big case coming up this week?” he asks her.

She smacks him lightly across the chest. “ _Stop it_.”

“Never,” he replies.  “I’m never going to stop making you smile.”

Which makes her never want to stop kissing him.  She presses her lips to his, wrapping her hand firmly around his dick and pumping it as she slips her tongue into his mouth.  The kiss is sloppy. He keeps making these guttural noises in the back of his throat, and his dick keeps twitching in her hand.  His hands brush up and down her side until one of them presses past her underpants to slip between her folds.

His fingers are wider than her own.  Wider, and he puts more pressure on her clit than ever she does, which is probably why she gasps and starts bucking against his hand.  “Ben,” she moans.

“Rey,” he moans right back and her hands leave his cock and she is leaning forward, pressing her chest to his—probably more than she should be, but he doesn’t seem to care—to tug her underpants half-down her legs.  She grabs him and he grunts out another “ _Fuck_ ,” as she rubs his tip against her lips.  His eyes are closed, his hands are clutching at the bed underneath him and he makes a noise almost like laughing—except far too serious to be laughter—as she does her best to press onto him.

He’s thick, and she sucks in a deep breath as she rocks back and forth, every movement of her hips pulling him in deeper and deeper.

“Rey,” he says, over and over again.  His eyes are open now, and he looks dazed as he stares up at her.  Dazed, but regaining focus because as she gets closer to having him fully sheathed inside her, he sits up underneath her and kisses her hard, sloppy, searing, sweet—everything that a kiss ever could be.  He kisses her to breathless and back and by the time he’s fully in her, they’re both panting. His hands are cupping her face, hers are resting on his chest, and she’s never in her life—not ever, not even close to once—felt the way she’s feeling right now—loved and wanted and happy and a million other things she doesn’t have time to focus on because all she can focus on is how full she feels as he starts to lift his hips underneath hers.  Full, as her heart swells because they’ve stopped kissing and are just staring at one another and his eyes make her feel like she can do anything, be anything.

His thumb comes to her clit and he starts to strum at it gently in time with their movements and with every strum, she feels like everything is getting louder, like her heart, her breath, the sound of their skin.  Louder and quieter because her head just feels empty of everything except Ben. Ben and the way he’s looking at her.

She crumples forward when she comes, a shaking mess of everything.  She holds Ben as close as she can even as he rolls her onto her back and—no, no she doesn’t want him to pull out, she doesn’t want him to leave, doesn’t want this to be over—but he’s pumping himself into his hand and when he comes, it’s in hot wet streams across her stomach.  

He collapses on the bed next to her, his face pressed to her neck, breathing hard and they lie there like that in his sunny bedroom for several long moments.  

Rey wants to say something, anything.  How happy she is, how much she likes this, likes him, how glad she is that she’s here with him and not Poe Dameron or Paige Tico or Geno Namit.  

“We’re on then?” Ben asks her quietly at last.  His fingers are tracing circles on her arm and he’s still got his face pressed into her neck.

“Yeah,” she replies.  “Yeah.”

“I rest my case, then,” he grins and Rey squeals.

“You’re _goofy_.  Sex has made you goofy.  I didn’t think that was possible.”

“ _You_ made me goofy.  And don’t worry, I’ll be back to normal when I’m a little less overwhelmed by how deliriously happy I am.”

“Are you suggesting that you’re going to be less deliriously happy sometime soon?” Rey demands in mock outrage.

“Only less overwhelmed by it.”  He presses a kiss to her neck, just under her ear, and pulls away, climbing out of the bed.

“Where are you going?” Rey asks, almost affronted that he’s not staying to cuddle.  

“I recall that I promised you breakfast and I’m not about to kick this off by breaking my word.”  

He doesn’t even bother putting on underwear as he goes downstairs.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/crossing_winter) and [pillowfort](http://pillowfort.io/crossingwinter)!


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